Back in Boston and I still can’t hear out of one ear. Now the left ear, now the right. Feeling like sh!t the last couple days because of jet-lag and ever-lingering cold. So, to the doctor’s office for perscription-level Sudafed and some nasal spray…

Returned to all the same work problems I left behind a week ago, only now they’ve festered. Serves me right.

So I’m daydreaming back to San Francisco:

Sore throat. I can’t talk but otherwise everything is grand. I’d forgotten how lush this part of the world is. I could hardly call this city a “concrete jungle” .. more like a really well manicured park with a few buildings stuck in there somwhere. We visited Amoeba Music yesterday. Definitely among the bigger record stores I’ve seen… and it’s indie. They seem to really have their finger on what’s new and interesting in each genre. I even saw a few CDs from bands around the country that weren’t even on a record label. (“these guys are going to be huge in a couple years…”) Their prices are better than reasonable, and they’ve done a very intelligent job of selecting the genres and of making it easy to both browse in the vague sense and hunt for something in particular. Great to see a bigger store that still has personality. I saw about 100 things I wanted to hear, but that’s the big disappointment about Amoeba Music: it all looks so good but it’s not possible to preview anything.. so everything is a gamble. However, I scored the new Phoenix record, which is just excellent.

So many buena vistas in this lush city. Halfway across every street I almost get run over because I’m gawking at the view down the hill or up the hill. And the plants are the clear rulers here, especially as you get a little bit outside of downtown (who wants to go there anyway?). Lots of parks, all of them gorgeous right now.

the Japanese Tea Garden at Golden Gate Park.

Off to meet Ethan today and to the Exploratorium

Feeling very disoriented. Where the hell am I? All the ratios are different here. Tanked up on sutafed and dramamine. One ear non-functional from altitude madness. But it’s a sunny day. My mood improves with a taco.

I saw the boston marathon today. Left work early and biked across an empty Mass Avenue bridge into deserted downtown streets. A few blocks in, there they were.. millions of people watching and cheering in a line along Comm Avenue. Boston had both the marathon and a Red Sox home game today, with the marathon going right past the stadium, so it was a mess. They do this on purpose. I don’t understand.

I wanted to meet some friends across Comm Avenue from the marathon, but I would have had to travel 20 blocks to cross the street and 20 blocks back. So I sat there and cheered for a moment, feeling kind of alone. People were passing out hundreds of yellow dianetics.org balloons. Runners were just passing out. Wishing I’d had my camera.

I finished The Bees website, and The Bees’ first record is finally out. They’re off to tour with Guster later this month. I hope things work out well for them—their music is excellent.

The garden is mostly in. We have:

curry plant
chives
oregano
wildflowers
sun flowers
basil
strawberries
honeysuckle
wooly thyme
and
“cape daisy nairobi improvised osteospermum”

Beginnings are so sexy!
The curves of a dream
form in your depths
and ignite passion and inspiration.
And other -ion words.

In a flash too bright, you see all the potential,
and your tasks and lists fan out in a tree
which you might rather sleep under.
Will you escape your own gumption traps?
Or end it all before it began?

Endings are so not sexy.

Late morning— finally sunny and warm in Cambridge. This is the first day it feels like winter really is over, not to return. I can’t imagine a frost after today, but it’ll probably happen anyway (Farmer’s Almanac says April 27th will be the last).

Dropped Karl at the T, to go to the bus, to go to New York, to go to JFK, to go to San Francisco (all flights from Logan were full). Standby travel officially deemed not worth it. Then to Harvard Sq. A short visit to the Harvard Book Shop showed no sign of Christopher Alexander’s new books. I need to try before I buy.

Sat on the sunny deck with Whitney and a big bowl of fruit salad and our small selection of plants for this year’s garden (just deck boxes and pots). Moved potting soil around. Washed my bicycle. Took a nap. Very satisfied. Next week is full of activity and deadlines, but it all seems distant.

From: Charlotte
Subject: Rare political email from Charlotte re: women’s reproductive rights
Date: April 16, 2004 2:23:13 AM EDT

Dear peeps,

Please read the following email.  You may have seen it before now, and if that is the case, I apologize.

You may or may not agree with the appointment of W. David Hager to the FDA Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee , but I will admit that I disagree with the appointment to the point that I am spamming you, my dear friend.  I can’t believe that I’m doing it, and I promise that I will try not to do it again anytime soon.  

If you disagree with this appointment, please copy and paste this email into a new one, sign the petition and keep it going.  Unfortunately, as of the date you are receiving this email,  Dr. Hager has already been appointed, but is not going to be the chair as originally suggested.  This change is likely due to the great pressure that came upon the President on this subject beginning in October of 2003.  Let’s take what steps we can to keep this country from getting any freakier than it is right now.  At the top of the email I’ve added a couple of links of “research” on this topic, just to verify claims.  So you see, at least I am “seasoning” my spam.

In keeping with the food theme… if you are for the appointment of persons who make a casserole out of church and state, then I hope you will take the time to explain to me why, so that I can still be your friend.  Kidding!

Here’s to the spring and to the good health of you and your families.

Sincerely,
Charlotte

—- snip —-

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,361521,00.html
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/hager.htm
http://www.now.org/press/10-02/10-16.html

Subj: this is really important
Date: Wednesday, March 31, 2004 7:22:56 PM

President Bush has announced his plan to select Dr. W. David Hager to
head up the Food and Drug Administration’s (FDA) Reproductive Health
Drugs Advisory Committee. The committee has not met for more than two
years, during which time its charter lapsed. As a result, the Bush
Administration is tasked with filling all eleven positions with new
members. This position does not require Congressional approval.

The FDA’s Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee makes crucial
decisions on matters relating to drugs used in the practice of
obstetrics, gynecology and related specialties, including hormone
therapy, contraception, treatment for infertility, and medical
alternatives to surgical procedures for sterilization and pregnancy
termination.

Dr. Hager’s views of reproductive health care are far outside the
mainstream for reproductive technology.  Dr. Hager is a practicing
OB/GYN who describes himself as “pro-life” and refuses to prescribe
contraceptives to unmarried women.

Hager is the author of “As Jesus Cared for Women:  Restoring omen Then
and Now.”  The book blends biblical accounts of Christ healing
Women with case studies from Hager’s practice.

In the book Dr. Hager wrote with his wife, entitled “Stress and the
Woman’s Body,” he suggests that women who suffer from premenstrual
syndrome should seek help from reading the bible and praying. As an
editor and contributing author of “The Reproduction Revolution: A
Christian Appraisal of Sexuality Reproductive Technologies and the
Family,” Dr. Hager appears to have endorsed the medically inaccurate
assertion that the common birth Control pill is an abortifacient.

Hager’s mission is religiously motivated. He has an ardent interest in
revoking approval for mifepristone (formerly known as RU-486) as a safe
and early form of medical abortion. Hagar recently assisted the
Christian Medical Association in a “citizen’s petition” which calls upon
the FDA to revoke its approval of mifepristone in the name of women’s
health.

Hager’s desire to overturn mifepristone’s approval on religious grounds
rather than scientific merit would halt the development of
mifepristone as a treatment for numerous medical conditions
disproportionately affecting women, including breast cancer, uterine
cancer, uterine fibroid tumors, psychotic depression, bipolar depression
and Cushing’s syndrome.

Women rely on the FDA to ensure their access to safe and effective drugs
for reproductive health care including products that prevent pregnancy.
For some women, such as those with certain types of diabetes and those
undergoing treatment for cancer, pregnancy can be a life-threatening
condition.

We are concerned that Dr. Hager’s strong religious beliefs may color his
assessment of technologies that are necessary to protect women’s lives
or to preserve and promote women’s health.

Hager’s track record of using religious beliefs to guide his medical
decision-making makes him a dangerous and inappropriate candidate to
serve as chair of this committee. Critical drug public policy and
research must not be held hostage by antiabortion politics. Members of
this important panel should be appointed on the basis of science and
medicine, rather than politics and religion. American women deserve no
less.

There is something you can do.   Below is a letter to be sent to the
White House, opposing the placement of Hager. Please copy and paste,
then sign your name below. SEND THIS TO EVERY PERSON YOU KNOW WHO IS
CONCERNED ABOUT WOMEN’S RIGHTS.

Here’s the letter:
I oppose the appointment of Dr. W. David Hager to the FDA Reproductive
Health Drugs Advisory Committee. Mixing religion and medicine is
unacceptable in a policy-making position.  Using the FDA to promote a
political agenda is inappropriate and seriously threatens women’s
health. Members of this important panel should be appointed on the basis
of science and medicine, rather than politics and religion. American
women deserve no less.

I made a loaf of cheddar pepper bread and this time it came out beautifully. I started again with the standard Cooks’ Illustrated “Rustic Italian Loaf,” which has not yet met its match of crust and crumb (time to branch out).

The key to cheddar pepper was M&M-sized chunks of cheese, rather than shredded cheese (which disintegrated last time). I used about 1.5 cups of it—a mixture of sharp and smoked cheddar. It’s a fantastic loaf! You can see the cheese in each slice, and when it’s toasted it melts a little. The pepper was coarsely ground and really brings it all home. Bread & Company used to make a loaf with cheese and jalepeno peppers but it was too spicy. Ground black pepper has just the right kind of kick (and it’s pervasive, not surprising).

I know I keep saying “this is my best loaf yet,” but this is my best loaf yet. Tomorrow for breakfast: “egg in the hole” with cheddar pepper bread. Mmmmm…

Off to bed, to dream of other things that can be mixed into the dough.

and accompanying gift shop.

certainly a surreal experience. The plaza overlooks Boston, Logan Airport, and a lot of the northern suburbs:

Can anyone explain why this hillside Madonna faces away from Boston, but in most South American cities it faces toward the city? Could it be the Coriolis effect?

I was distracted today by a Wired magazine spread about Christopher Alexander, the author of A Pattern Language and a few other architectural theory books that I’ve mentioned here before. He defines a theory of patterns in our world that move us forward and patterns that hold us back, and he ends up redefining 20th century architecture and design along the way. It’s a self-help book and a primer on rearranging your furniture just as much as it’s a book on architectural theory and urban planning.

The Wired spread announced that Alexander has released four juicy new books in a series called The Nature of Order. So far I can only find these books on amazon.com for $75— the libraries and bookstores around here don’t seem to have them, but the amazon reviews are all glowing and Alexander is being compared to Stephen Wolfram—an odd comparison unless you think of them both as scientists, not a mathematician and an architect.

Also along those lines is Jane Jacobs’ The Death and Life of Great American Cities. This is an urban planning classic, and the book Sasha said made him choose (within a few minutes, apparently) to go into urban planning.

And, of course, I can’t end this entry without mentioning Rem Koolhaas’ Delirious New York: A Retroactive Manifesto for Manhattan. I think if I read all of these books, I’d be prepared to declare my level of commitment to architecture and urban planning, once and for all.

Sitting here looking around my comfy home office, with the world to myself, I am feeling ever uninspired and frustrated. Or: Running around trying to do everything all at once, I’m feeling inspired and frustrated. Anyway, I’m frustrated. There’s something about my part-time schedule, and my own work that’s expanding to fill the gaps, and being 25, that doesn’t sit right with me. Is the time to write a one-year plan—or even a one-month plan—here? Do I need to make a list of things I like to do and things I’m good at, etc. etc? The standard post-college masturbatory soul-searching twenty-something routine?

Maybe that’s the subject of this blog.

I love my job and am really enjoying it lately, but with these extra 2 days a week, I’m left wondering “what’s really important.” The only thing I’ve done consistently on Thursdays and Fridays is bake bread (it doesn’t take much time, anyway), so I guess it’s time to open a two-day-a-week bakery. Boston Secrets goes between feeling great and feeling pointless (which probably means its great and I need to push through).

But nothing is really blowing my mind right now when it comes to my own work. Where’s the passion? If it isn’t in computers as much anymore, where is it next? I only start thinking about one-year plans and five-year plans when I am not getting what I want out of today’s work, out of right now, so I know there’s something missing. To me a one-year plan means seeing hope in the future but taking the present for granted. Usually I’m too busy to take the present for granted, so this is a new one.

But if my work at home is taking a major turn this year, I need to take a step, today, along that path. I feel my day job has been like a drug for the past 3 years, as I haven’t had to think too much about my work—or the lack of it. But now the pressure is on. I have time to sit here and think about this and be frustrated. This isn’t a pressure to make money, it’s a pressure to hold myself up to my own ideals.

And the pressure is a nagging sort of pressure. It’s telling me I’m in a rut and I keep going around in the same cycle. It’s saying I’m not pushing myself enough and I’m just floating along on what I’ve built up, without challenges.

So what’s the answer to this nagging? I think it’s time to make a short-term list and, reluctantly, a one-year plan. That’s my task for today.

Standard voice chat is build into most instant messaging clients, but it currently emulates CB radio, not instant messaging. This is a bizarre discrepancy, isn’t it? Some voice chats are full duplex, so they emulate a telephone. A nice little throwback, eh? I guess the idea is that if you’re sitting right there in front of the instant messaging client, you don’t want to click on each voice message as it comes in.. you just want to hear it and respond.

Step back and look at the task of typing out an instant message on a computer. It’s slower than voice (not as much information transferred per unit time, unless you can type 200+ words per minute) and it suffers from most of the drawbacks of a telephone conversation (you can’t see expressions on the other person’s face, you’re chained to some device and missing out on some part of reality, etc.)

For all these drawbacks, I see a few benefits to typed instant messaging. The recipent doesn’t have to be around to get the message, a response is not immediately required, and a message can be read faster than it can be spoken. A message can be thoroughly reviewed before sending. This is what makes IM worthwhile to so many people. Especially: since I don’t have to reply right away, I can finish up some other task on the computer, then compose my reply. My other task could be anything.. possibly another IM conversation.

Now. Why isn’t it possible to set up voice chat so it emulates instant messaging rather than a telephone? You say your message to me and it gets queued up on my computer. I listen to it when I’m ready and reply.

The ultimate scenario involves either speech recognition (so you can edit your text before sending, and so it arrives as text not voice) or an easy way to review and overdub your message before sending it. These are probably major drawbacks, rendering the idea infeasible at the moment. But I still like it.

When you’re getting tired of the local mall, nothing will revive the spirit of capitalism like the stores along Route 1 on the North Shore.