Karl and I gave a little talk for the Harvard Sq UU church group around this topic. We split the group into pairs and had each person interview the other for 15 minutes. Here are the interview questions we used:
Interview Questions on connection experiences…
Spaces: What environments allow you to feel most connected to others (general and specific; e.g. volunteering at the YWCA, or when Geoff and I have long talks over tea)? What social spaces do you feel you can bring you whole self to? What are the attributes of these spaces? Tell a story.
Group Settings: Think of past group experiences that have challenged you to grow or have revitalized your soul. What were the attributes and people involved? What size and type of group do you thrive in? (Consider any group setting: previous living environments; workshops/conferences; groups at your job; study groups; supper clubs?)
People: Whom do you surround yourself with? What draws you to them, or them to you? What is it about the relationship that makes you feel connected?
What doesn’t work: What specific social environments or spaces do you encounter that are apparently designed to bring people together but don’t? What causes them to fail?
Themes: What is your conception of connection? What is necessary? What is its function/value for you?
These are simple questions, but there’s definitely enough here to talk about for at least a half hour. If you spend a lot of time in group settings, you should understand what works for you.
Anyway, after the interviews, we got back together and discussed our answers. My answers reflected a desire for the following group dynamic:
- small groups to get “real work” done, large groups for more “fun” or reflective things (usually with one leader.. like carolling!).
- a mixture of group time and personal time— I need time to mull over stuff.
- a group must have a reason to be together, or I get disinterested.
- an atmosphere of mutural respect is important to me.
- alcohol doesn’t help
- nature is a great place to gather: no distractions.
- if I’m meeting a large group for the first time (eg. a conference), I’d prefer to spend at least a few days with them.
At the end of the evening, we left time for people to reflect and possibly apply their answers to their own lives:
Questions for reflection…
Have you identified areas where you’d like to grow? Are there any new patterns you’d like to start but haven’t, or ones that clearly don’t work for you? Reflect on how you might encourage more meaningful connection experiences for yourself and others in the future.
Barriers: What barriers do you face in making connections in your daily life (social, fiscal, emotional, etc.)? Day to day, would you make any changes in how you seek out social connections?
After all this, I really wished I’d taken a group dynamics class in college. But instead I’ll start looking for books on the subject. Any suggestions?