I can’t stand most bars. They drive me crazy. Maybe it’s the detached clumps of three and four people who, lacking the courage to merge in any meaningful way, perpetuate the anonymity and loneliness of big city living, holding alcohol-fueled conversations that slosh around, never staying on one topic for too long, never really getting to the heart of the matter, postponing reality.

Can solid connections and warm, meaningful conversation be expected from this environment? What other social settings that really foster a community spirit? Where and when do you have social interactions that allow you to bring your whole creative self to the table (or pew, or stoop)? Occasionally we all have group experiences that just work out perfectly, that transform our mood, our perspective, maybe our whole life. All of the parameters come into alignment somehow, and we feel so good; we feel a deep connection with others, with the experience, and with the space and time, though maybe we don’t even notice how powerful it all was until it’s over. This experience—I’ll call it a “conductive experience”—has all the ingredients for lasting connections with people. It’s a space and time where everyone feels safe, comfortable, and respected, and where the full value of community is exemplified, not commoditized.

Look at the spaces we inhabit around town: Apartment buildings full of people living together who will never meet, who will never have a deep understanding or an enlightening disagreement. Or bars, clubs, coffee shops, and other commercial establishments that have only a vague interest in building community, that provide space for consumption but ultimately impede or, at the very least, do no harm to social conductivity. Bringing people together in a meaningful way is nearly impossible when conductive experiences are not actively pursued.

What do these places lack? Is there anything they could do to bring people together in a meaningful way? How do we make up for their shortcomings?