I don’t see what everyone is complaining about. You want wealth? You want fame? Just follow my advice.
- Two words: Contemporary dance. You would not believe what the foundations are paying these days. They are filthy rich, and they are just waiting for someone like you to strip off your clothes and pogo around the black box. It’s a high-stakes game, but everybody wins. Start early—around 6 or 7 years old—and by 20 you will have funders beating down your door. That beautiful Chelsea brownstone will finally be in your grasp.
- Win the Tour de France. This is an obvious one, and really I’m not sure why more people don’t do it. Between the sponsorships and prize money, you’ll be set. Brush your teeth before you do that Nike commercial.
- Build and flip a tech startup. For procrastinators, this usually takes a year, but you could do it in 3 months if you put your mind to it. You really only have to fill out a few forms, and you’re off. Easy.
- Bring in a great producer. Here’s the real low-hanging fruit. Get Timberland in there to lay some beats down on your tracks, and you will be a high roller in no time flat. You just need some decent marketing folks and a few dollars for promotions. No, you don’t need to know how to sing, just be your hot self. It’s gonna be off the chain!
- Hit the casino. You just put some cash down on the table, grab a drink, and when you return, you’ll pocket a fat win. Repeat until you run the world.
- 7 years of silent meditation and prayer. This is a sure-fire route to mega wealth and fame. Don’t worry about the electricity bill—just sit tight and everything will work out.
- Marry someone really rich. Well, this one goes without saying.